Oh how long it has been and boy do I have some awkward moments for yall baby!
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At work yesterday I had lots of fun!
I had some awkward moments, nothing too too major but still awkward all the same.
This one is pretty good...
Okay so I was coming back from helping retrieve baskets outside and walk past Aquila and Kachi while they were talking. Miguel was looking at them smiling. Now I heard what was going just perfectly:
Aquila: Oh my god where's my phone?
Kachi: *smiles* I have it
Aquila: How did you get it? I didn't feel it. I have these tight pants on...
Now at this very moment I honed in on the phrase "I DIDN'T FEEL IT"
Oh this was the perfect opportunity to turn silver into gold.
So I walk past and say to Miguel, "So she couldn't FEEL it, eh?"
Miguel dies and taps Kachi and tells him what I said and Aquila was still there so she heard.
Do you see what I was doing there though? I was using a little thing I like to call INUENDO my friends and a play on words. That's what improvs do. I am a comedian!
I tell you she must've gave me this look like she was trying to make my head explode with her mind. Kachi was apparently offended and said, "Yo momma". Haha this all right here was really awkward but a GOOD awkward.
Then later on Kachi made it his duty to rank on me all evening and I admit he got me a couple times. Like I was talking about something, I can't remember exactly what but then Kachi acted like he heard me say something else. "What?! You're Ratman?!" And some female coworkers started laughing. Now that's MY thunder I make the ladies laugh and when I get chopped and bested it's NOT a good feeling at all! I tried to come back but apparently I failed... but this usually doesn't happen. I usually win these type of things but the battle is NOT won.
Like the old saying goes..."you may have won the war but not the battle" or something like that =D
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I had some awkward moments, nothing too too major but still awkward all the same.
This one is pretty good...
Okay so I was coming back from helping retrieve baskets outside and walk past Aquila and Kachi while they were talking. Miguel was looking at them smiling. Now I heard what was going just perfectly:
Aquila: Oh my god where's my phone?
Kachi: *smiles* I have it
Aquila: How did you get it? I didn't feel it. I have these tight pants on...
Now at this very moment I honed in on the phrase "I DIDN'T FEEL IT"
Oh this was the perfect opportunity to turn silver into gold.
So I walk past and say to Miguel, "So she couldn't FEEL it, eh?"
Miguel dies and taps Kachi and tells him what I said and Aquila was still there so she heard.
Do you see what I was doing there though? I was using a little thing I like to call INUENDO my friends and a play on words. That's what improvs do. I am a comedian!
I tell you she must've gave me this look like she was trying to make my head explode with her mind. Kachi was apparently offended and said, "Yo momma". Haha this all right here was really awkward but a GOOD awkward.
Then later on Kachi made it his duty to rank on me all evening and I admit he got me a couple times. Like I was talking about something, I can't remember exactly what but then Kachi acted like he heard me say something else. "What?! You're Ratman?!" And some female coworkers started laughing. Now that's MY thunder I make the ladies laugh and when I get chopped and bested it's NOT a good feeling at all! I tried to come back but apparently I failed... but this usually doesn't happen. I usually win these type of things but the battle is NOT won.
Like the old saying goes..."you may have won the war but not the battle" or something like that =D
Back when I was a Junior in highschool, I was very sexy, lol. No no but seriously I was hot shit and the girlies thought so too. I was a choir nerd to an extent but being in choir had its MAJOR incentives. For one the thrill of doing something you love with a group of other people who enjoy doing the same thing as you that share similar interests. For two the gratification from learning new musical literature from a variety of styles and genres and performing them for an audience. For three, the girls. For four, the competition and trips. For five, the girls. And lastly and MOST certainly NOT least, the girls...
Now there is something very interesting that I would like to share with you this evening, or morning or afternoon, you pick. I love remembering these moments in my life where I charmed the panties off of lovely ladies whom I have had the most honorable pleasure of meeting and being 2 inches close to *wink*.
There was a choir competition, the big one, UIL (don't ask what it stands for because I forget). The choir had recently suffered a loss in voices because well, they graduated or failed out HA! Anyway, the ladies, on to the ladies. Well my ex had rejoined choir and this time got into the varsity group where I had been since we met a year ago (my sophomore year) and there were tons of new ladies whom moved to the varsity group. One in particular, who this story is about, was VERY smokin'.
To use names or not to use names, hmph oh well, for the sake of etiquette, FUCK IT =D.
Deletha McLaurin, oh yeah I remember her. 5, 10, built JUST right from head to toe. Mmmhmm... yea I remember I had sang for her when we first met and she was in love lol. She's an interesting woman I tell ya... a little off but still a fox. Anywho, I had been liking her or whatever right. And she liked me back, we just never did anything about it, or I was a little bitch. One time she wanted to kiss me and I punked out... *sighs and shakes head* disgrace to men. Then she faintly lost subtle interest and started going out with Cairee (I grow weary of introductions). She liked him cause he, and I quote, has "junk in the trunk". Go ahead and laugh. She told me I was too skinny, I give up. If I had more ass then it would be cool, right?
So whilst going out with him she would kiss him in front of everybody in the choir and you'd hear, "damn yall two needa get a room this ain't the bedroom", "uh oh yall Cairee and Deletha gettin freaky deaky", "SHE WANNA HAVE YO BABIES DAWG!", "I'd hit it" (that was me, lol). And this is when I finally started diggin her back openly, cause well, I was slightly jealous. I didn't believe Cairee could handle her, he couldn't do her right like I know I could. I mean her booty was perfect and jiggly. She would lay down on the floor and I would just be like, "Cairee she waiting for you bruh, but you ain't doing it right" then I'd bite my lip and just wish I could grab it. So I bet you're wondering by now if I did or not, right? Well WRONG. Lame I know... I know but hey it gets better so keep your head up.
Back to competition since I tangented off. Deletha was there, of course, and uh the choir was gathered in the cafeteria or lounge or whatever, some place in the church where there were tables and chairs. The choir chilled there til it was our time to go to the chapel to sing. When the time finally came we had to wait because other choirs were performing. So the choir seats themselves and I just so happened to find myself sitting next to my ex and Deletha. PEREFECT. Now my ex is fucking BEEYOOTIFUL no doubt and if you're wondering WHY she's my ex then you'll have to wait for the next post =). So I did the only logical thing that Roro knows how to do when he finds himself sitting next to two very attractive females, I flirt. I started messing with Britney, my ex, about her feet since she took her shoes off, she liked it and we started having it out, so cute. And Deletha was sitting there quiet but I messed with her anyway. I would whisper things to her and she'd giggle and whatnot. She played with my hand and we had this program that we played with. Then she told me she was horny. DING DING DING DING DING!!! In my anxious teenage mind I'm thinking, "THANK YOU GOD!" I tried to think of the perfect response so I ask, "oh really? why is that" She tells me, "It's cause of Cairee."
Give me a moment guys...
*cries like a 5 year old who had a piece of candy stolen from them*
Ahhh okay okay now it's... it's fine.
Yea talk about awkward. All this time I though it was me but no no no it was him and he was a whole row ahead and 5 people to the left of us. But she had already had another horny episode earlier so I wasn't too too surprised (LIE).
But all hope was NOT lost. I come back and say, "so how do you handle that?" she says, she doesn't she just lets it pass. Strike 2! This is NOT looking good for A Rod another one and he is THROUGH!
Haha this is too painful to remember so let's move on shall we?
Later on that day after we performed at our competition, which we achieved sweepstakes in, we ate at Cheddars as a reward. Deletha and Cairee are sitting on the opposite side of the table as me with Deletha directly in front of me. She had on this shirt that revealed her amazing cleavage *bites bottom lip* and she was looking at me almost the entire time and I looked back, I knew what she was thinking. See I put it in her head, she wanted me, I know it, it's obvious. But Cairee and she was playing footsies or whatever the fuck under the table. Ugh!
Oooooh what could have been...
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Now there is something very interesting that I would like to share with you this evening, or morning or afternoon, you pick. I love remembering these moments in my life where I charmed the panties off of lovely ladies whom I have had the most honorable pleasure of meeting and being 2 inches close to *wink*.
There was a choir competition, the big one, UIL (don't ask what it stands for because I forget). The choir had recently suffered a loss in voices because well, they graduated or failed out HA! Anyway, the ladies, on to the ladies. Well my ex had rejoined choir and this time got into the varsity group where I had been since we met a year ago (my sophomore year) and there were tons of new ladies whom moved to the varsity group. One in particular, who this story is about, was VERY smokin'.
To use names or not to use names, hmph oh well, for the sake of etiquette, FUCK IT =D.
Deletha McLaurin, oh yeah I remember her. 5, 10, built JUST right from head to toe. Mmmhmm... yea I remember I had sang for her when we first met and she was in love lol. She's an interesting woman I tell ya... a little off but still a fox. Anywho, I had been liking her or whatever right. And she liked me back, we just never did anything about it, or I was a little bitch. One time she wanted to kiss me and I punked out... *sighs and shakes head* disgrace to men. Then she faintly lost subtle interest and started going out with Cairee (I grow weary of introductions). She liked him cause he, and I quote, has "junk in the trunk". Go ahead and laugh. She told me I was too skinny, I give up. If I had more ass then it would be cool, right?
So whilst going out with him she would kiss him in front of everybody in the choir and you'd hear, "damn yall two needa get a room this ain't the bedroom", "uh oh yall Cairee and Deletha gettin freaky deaky", "SHE WANNA HAVE YO BABIES DAWG!", "I'd hit it" (that was me, lol). And this is when I finally started diggin her back openly, cause well, I was slightly jealous. I didn't believe Cairee could handle her, he couldn't do her right like I know I could. I mean her booty was perfect and jiggly. She would lay down on the floor and I would just be like, "Cairee she waiting for you bruh, but you ain't doing it right" then I'd bite my lip and just wish I could grab it. So I bet you're wondering by now if I did or not, right? Well WRONG. Lame I know... I know but hey it gets better so keep your head up.
Back to competition since I tangented off. Deletha was there, of course, and uh the choir was gathered in the cafeteria or lounge or whatever, some place in the church where there were tables and chairs. The choir chilled there til it was our time to go to the chapel to sing. When the time finally came we had to wait because other choirs were performing. So the choir seats themselves and I just so happened to find myself sitting next to my ex and Deletha. PEREFECT. Now my ex is fucking BEEYOOTIFUL no doubt and if you're wondering WHY she's my ex then you'll have to wait for the next post =). So I did the only logical thing that Roro knows how to do when he finds himself sitting next to two very attractive females, I flirt. I started messing with Britney, my ex, about her feet since she took her shoes off, she liked it and we started having it out, so cute. And Deletha was sitting there quiet but I messed with her anyway. I would whisper things to her and she'd giggle and whatnot. She played with my hand and we had this program that we played with. Then she told me she was horny. DING DING DING DING DING!!! In my anxious teenage mind I'm thinking, "THANK YOU GOD!" I tried to think of the perfect response so I ask, "oh really? why is that" She tells me, "It's cause of Cairee."
Give me a moment guys...
*cries like a 5 year old who had a piece of candy stolen from them*
Ahhh okay okay now it's... it's fine.
Yea talk about awkward. All this time I though it was me but no no no it was him and he was a whole row ahead and 5 people to the left of us. But she had already had another horny episode earlier so I wasn't too too surprised (LIE).
But all hope was NOT lost. I come back and say, "so how do you handle that?" she says, she doesn't she just lets it pass. Strike 2! This is NOT looking good for A Rod another one and he is THROUGH!
Haha this is too painful to remember so let's move on shall we?
Later on that day after we performed at our competition, which we achieved sweepstakes in, we ate at Cheddars as a reward. Deletha and Cairee are sitting on the opposite side of the table as me with Deletha directly in front of me. She had on this shirt that revealed her amazing cleavage *bites bottom lip* and she was looking at me almost the entire time and I looked back, I knew what she was thinking. See I put it in her head, she wanted me, I know it, it's obvious. But Cairee and she was playing footsies or whatever the fuck under the table. Ugh!
Oooooh what could have been...
I had just came in for work but I wasn't on the clock yet so I hang out in front watching all my coworkers yanno, work. Anywho a couple of male coworkers I know show up toward the front booth where two front end managers stood...
Daniel, chubby Mexican guy, says, that I looked like Rodriguez, one of the front end managers. I took that as an insult and whiffed my hand in front of my nose and said, "oh and this is coming from the guy who has a diet of ass and gym socks damn you need a mint". And no one laughed but got completely silent. Like cricket chirps to the 25th power! Talk about fucking awkward! Oh there were like 6 people there. I thought it was funny but I guess some things are just better left unsaid... FAIL. =D
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Daniel, chubby Mexican guy, says, that I looked like Rodriguez, one of the front end managers. I took that as an insult and whiffed my hand in front of my nose and said, "oh and this is coming from the guy who has a diet of ass and gym socks damn you need a mint". And no one laughed but got completely silent. Like cricket chirps to the 25th power! Talk about fucking awkward! Oh there were like 6 people there. I thought it was funny but I guess some things are just better left unsaid... FAIL. =D
So I'm at my job right and there's this really sexy girl I work with (she's so into me) and we were talking after hours doing restock. If you didn't know, I work at a grocery store and restock are groceries that either trifling ass customers decided not to buy or the bucket of ice cream that ends up in the cereal aisle. Anyway we were returning it together. I decided to help her cause I like her and knew that this would be the PERFECT opportunity to talk to her on a deeper level.
She had this basket full of groceries and we began to sort them out. And both of our hands are in the basket grabbing for things eventually when... our hands touch inadvertently. LOL! And I, being the spaz that I am, rushed it back like, "oh hehe oooops that was awkward" and she didn't say a word but kinda blushed.
What's worse is that there were other coworkers that were watching us, all females, and they were messing with her saying, "ooooooh Sam why yall over there flirtin you must like him" and she went off. Rushed toward them and was blushing like crazy, although being as dark as she is you couldn't really tell, lol.
That made things extra EXTRA awkward for her to be around me, because of course she knew that she liked me and when a girl likes you she acts a certain way when around you or when people start making fun of her being around you and calling her out.
I just sit back in the awkward bliss thinking, "yea she wants me".
Cockiness? No it's just true facts baby!
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She had this basket full of groceries and we began to sort them out. And both of our hands are in the basket grabbing for things eventually when... our hands touch inadvertently. LOL! And I, being the spaz that I am, rushed it back like, "oh hehe oooops that was awkward" and she didn't say a word but kinda blushed.
What's worse is that there were other coworkers that were watching us, all females, and they were messing with her saying, "ooooooh Sam why yall over there flirtin you must like him" and she went off. Rushed toward them and was blushing like crazy, although being as dark as she is you couldn't really tell, lol.
That made things extra EXTRA awkward for her to be around me, because of course she knew that she liked me and when a girl likes you she acts a certain way when around you or when people start making fun of her being around you and calling her out.
I just sit back in the awkward bliss thinking, "yea she wants me".
Cockiness? No it's just true facts baby!